In honour of this year’s contribution to Comic Relief by Peter Kay, here’s yet another take on the well-known song….

When I wake up, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who wakes up for a beer
When I go out, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who goes out for a beer

If I get drunk, yeah I know it’s gonna be
It’s gonna be because I’m drinking too much beer
And if I haver, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s havering after beer

And I would walk 500 yards
And I would walk 500 more
‘Cos a thousand yards will take me all the way
To Bargain Booze’s door

When I’m working, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s working to buy beer
And when the money comes in for the work done here
I’ll spend almost every penny of it on beer

When I come home, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who comes home to a beer
And if I grow old, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who grows old drinking beer

And I would walk 500 yards
And I would walk 500 more
‘Cos a thousand yards will take me all the way
To Bargain Booze’s door

When I’m lonely, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s lonely with a beer
When I’m dreaming, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s dreaming of more beer

And I would stagger 500 yards
And I would stagger 500 more
‘Cos a thousand yards will take me all the way
To Bargain Booze’s door

diddle-a-da,
diddle-a-da,
diddle-a-diddle-a-diddle-um-diddle-um-da-da

tiddle-a-da,
tiddle-a-da,
tiddle-a-tiddle-a-tiddle-um-tiddle-um-da-da

And I would crawl 500 yards
And I would crawl 500 more
‘Cos a thousand yards will take me all the way
To Bargain Booze’s door

piddle-a-da,
piddle-a-da,
piddle-a-piddle-a-piddle-um-piddle-um-da-da

widdle-a-da,
widdle-a-da,
widdle-a-widdle-a-widdle-um-widdle-um-da-da